i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
