it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize