I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
