How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
