She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
