i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
this is an emotional support booty call
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
