In the future we'll all be gay
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
