So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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