if i can run in heels then i can drive
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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