If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
