you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
