I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
