Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
