Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
