I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
