you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So here I am, sexting at work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
