Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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