So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
