NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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