Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
