my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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