I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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