im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
