I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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