I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The adults are the big ones right?
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