That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
