My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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