Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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