I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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