I just pynch a tree in the face
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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