I'm lost and stupid without you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry about my life...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
