This is not my ceiling
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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