in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize