Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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