She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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