you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
