I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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