I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
