In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
