DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
