my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He is an equal opportunity slut.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
