I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am spending my child support on dildos
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
