Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
