As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
