But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
