I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
