Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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