Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
