Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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