Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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