Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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