people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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