thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
