we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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