it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
