Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
