can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
