I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
