The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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