umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
