well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
