she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
