Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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