you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
