My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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