my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
