There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
